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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Asked
Football
Says
Inspirational
Look
Rams
Looks
Hairdresser
Good
Helmet
Would
Angeles
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
