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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Inspirational
Thought
Littles
Anchovies
Little
Fur
Firsts
Stole
First
Modest
Never
Wearing
People
Forget
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
Phyllis Diller
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
Phyllis Diller
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
