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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Inspirational
Hairdresser
Blows
Ill
Blow
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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