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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Hairdresser
Blows
Ill
Blow
Leave
Inspirational
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller
All mothers are working mothers.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
Phyllis Diller
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Phyllis Diller
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
Phyllis Diller
It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
Phyllis Diller
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Phyllis Diller
