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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Leave
Inspirational
Hairdresser
Blows
Ill
Blow

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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
Phyllis Diller