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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Inspirational
Find
Hard
Mister
Junior
Juniors
Size
Wear
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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