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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Wear
Inspirational
Find
Hard
Mister
Junior
Juniors
Size
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller
Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
Phyllis Diller
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
Phyllis Diller
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Phyllis Diller
Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
Phyllis Diller
I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
Phyllis Diller
I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
