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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Year
Fang
Gone
Fangs
Fighting
Mad
Inspirational
Bed
Three
Months
Fight
True
Courses
Years
Course
Never
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
Phyllis Diller
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
Phyllis Diller
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
Phyllis Diller
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
