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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Years
Courses
Never
Course
Year
Fang
Gone
Fangs
Fighting
Mad
Inspirational
Bed
Three
Months
True
Fight
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller
When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
Phyllis Diller
I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
Phyllis Diller
There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
Phyllis Diller
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
