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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Never
Course
Year
Fang
Gone
Fangs
Fighting
Mad
Inspirational
Bed
Three
Months
True
Fight
Years
Courses
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
All mothers are working mothers.
Phyllis Diller
My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Phyllis Diller
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
Phyllis Diller
I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
