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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
People
Appointment
Parlor
Appointments
Committed
Beauty
Inspirational

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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
Phyllis Diller