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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Never
Worked
Husband
Career
Careers
Marriage
Inspirational
Felt
Always
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
