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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Never
Worked
Husband
Career
Careers
Marriage
Inspirational
Felt
Always
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
Phyllis Diller
