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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Ovens
Room
Rooms
Single
Crud
Inspirational
Cupcake
Cupcakes
Bake
Oven
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Phyllis Diller
... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
Phyllis Diller
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Phyllis Diller
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
Phyllis Diller
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis Diller
