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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Took
Told
Inspiration
Mother
Orphanage
Mingle
Hated

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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self-pity is better than none.
Phyllis Diller
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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All mothers are working mothers.
Phyllis Diller
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
Phyllis Diller
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
Phyllis Diller
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
Phyllis Diller