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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Good
Honestly
Like
Absolutely
Friend
Read
Book
Nothing
Going
Believe
Bed

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
Phyllis Diller