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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Book
Nothing
Going
Believe
Bed
Good
Honestly
Like
Absolutely
Friend
Read

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller