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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Tennis
Means
Money
Nothing
Mean
Love
Like
Marrying
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
self-pity is better than none.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
Phyllis Diller
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis Diller
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Phyllis Diller
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
