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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Means
Money
Nothing
Mean
Love
Like
Marrying
Tennis
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
Phyllis Diller
Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis Diller
Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
Phyllis Diller
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis Diller
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
Phyllis Diller
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Phyllis Diller
My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
Phyllis Diller
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
Phyllis Diller
Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Phyllis Diller
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller
