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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Sometimes
Parlor
Always
Entrance
Entrances
Estimate
Emergency
Emergencies
Beauty
Use

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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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