Quote

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Emergency
Emergencies
Beauty
Use
Sometimes
Parlor
Always
Entrance
Entrances
Estimate

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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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