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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Wrinkles
Laughed
Havens
Haven
Humor
Enough
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
Phyllis Diller
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Phyllis Diller
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Phyllis Diller
Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
