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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Cards
Lawn
Neighbor
Indolence
Saws
Lawns
Everybody
Fangs
Funny
Sloth
Laziness
Three
Neighbors
Wells
Lazy
Fang
Well

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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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