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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Neighbor
Indolence
Saws
Lawns
Everybody
Fangs
Funny
Sloth
Three
Laziness
Wells
Neighbors
Well
Lazy
Fang
Cards
Lawn
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
All mothers are working mothers.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller
It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
