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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Neighbor
Indolence
Saws
Lawns
Everybody
Fangs
Funny
Sloth
Three
Laziness
Wells
Neighbors
Well
Lazy
Fang
Cards
Lawn
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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self-pity is better than none.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
