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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Funny
Laziness
Use
Bottles
Going
Uses
Lazy
Teaspoon
Bed
Teaspoons
Medicine
Indolence
Seven
Sloth
Husband
Directions
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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