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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Direction
Husband
Indolence
Wind
Sloth
Goes
Blowing
Funny
Laziness
House
Lazy
Way
Finds
Leaves

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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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