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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Goes
Blowing
Funny
Laziness
House
Lazy
Way
Finds
Leaves
Direction
Husband
Indolence
Wind
Sloth

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Phyllis Diller
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
Phyllis Diller
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
Phyllis Diller