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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Direction
Husband
Indolence
Wind
Sloth
Goes
Blowing
Funny
Laziness
House
Lazy
Way
Finds
Leaves
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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self-pity is better than none.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
Phyllis Diller
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
Phyllis Diller
We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
Phyllis Diller
