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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Skills
Fangs
Getting
Sloth
Funny
Mechanical
Remember
Laziness
Must
Director
Like
Bed
Vocational
Develop
Fang
Directors
Indolence
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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self-pity is better than none.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
Phyllis Diller
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
Phyllis Diller
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller