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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Remember
Laziness
Must
Director
Like
Bed
Vocational
Develop
Fang
Directors
Indolence
Skills
Fangs
Getting
Sloth
Funny
Mechanical

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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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