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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Develop
Fang
Directors
Indolence
Skills
Fangs
Getting
Sloth
Funny
Mechanical
Remember
Laziness
Must
Director
Like
Bed
Vocational
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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self-pity is better than none.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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