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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Like
Bed
Vocational
Develop
Fang
Directors
Indolence
Skills
Fangs
Getting
Sloth
Funny
Mechanical
Remember
Laziness
Must
Director

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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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