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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Taste
Lose
Loses
Food
May
Nerve
Nerves
Cooking
Serve

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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
Phyllis Diller