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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Stuff
Beaks
Three
Stuffed
Turkeys
Turkey
Thanksgiving
Weeks
Took
Week
Beak
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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