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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Turkey
Thanksgiving
Weeks
Took
Week
Beak
Stuff
Beaks
Three
Stuffed
Turkeys
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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