Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Three
Stuffed
Turkeys
Turkey
Thanksgiving
Weeks
Took
Week
Beak
Stuff
Beaks
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
Phyllis Diller
