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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Sick
Beginning
Baby
Morning
Inspirational
Sickness

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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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