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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Beginning
Baby
Morning
Inspirational
Sickness
Sick

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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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