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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
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Appendix
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More quotes by Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
Phyllis Diller
Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
