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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Appendix
Divorced
Husband
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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