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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Like
Appendix
Divorced
Husband
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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