Quote

Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

Phyllis Diller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Appendix
Divorced
Husband
Back
Like

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

Image
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
Image
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller
Image
You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
Image
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
Phyllis Diller
Image
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller