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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Husband
Back
Like
Appendix
Divorced

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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller