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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Left
Adult
Kids
Treated
Right
Adults
Like
Spring
Fend
Parents
Unaware
Perhaps
Invariably
Parent
Apparently
Start
Chickens
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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self-pity is better than none.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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