Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
Phyllis Diller
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Kids
Treated
Right
Adults
Like
Spring
Fend
Parents
Unaware
Perhaps
Invariably
Parent
Apparently
Start
Chickens
Left
Adult
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
self-pity is better than none.
Phyllis Diller
It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
Phyllis Diller
My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller
I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
Phyllis Diller
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
Phyllis Diller
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
Phyllis Diller
Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
Phyllis Diller
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Phyllis Diller
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
