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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Seasons
Constantly
Fire
Californians
Drought
Mud
Accused
Flood
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
