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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Condemned
Family

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Phyllis Diller
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
Phyllis Diller
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
Phyllis Diller
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
Phyllis Diller
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
Phyllis Diller
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
Phyllis Diller
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller