Quote

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Doors
Chores
Enemy
Housework
Comes
Cleaning
House
Household
Done
Enemies
Really
Mess
Stranger
Door
Greet

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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
Phyllis Diller
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
Phyllis Diller