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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Past
Xmas
Time
Santa
Remembered
Christmas
Forgotten
Wants
Present
Everybody

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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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