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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Mean
Threw
Men
Rice
Wedding
Chinese
Clothes
Justice
Inspirational
Doesn
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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