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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Children
Room
Midget
Time
Humor
Damp
Like
Rooms
Bus
Stop
Rainbow
Funny
Humorous
Kids
Looked
Used
Standing
Many
Baby
Midgets
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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