Quote

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Give
Bottle
Home
Quarters
Wells
Bottles
Well
Twelve
Play
Kiss
Giving
Kissing
Spin
Years
Hell
Quarter
Time
Funny
Owned

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
Phyllis Diller
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
Phyllis Diller
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
Phyllis Diller
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Phyllis Diller
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller