Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
Phyllis Diller
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Time
Funny
Owned
Give
Bottle
Home
Quarters
Wells
Bottles
Well
Twelve
Play
Kiss
Giving
Kissing
Spin
Years
Hell
Quarter
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
Phyllis Diller
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
Phyllis Diller
I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
Phyllis Diller
I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
