Quote

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Years
Hell
Quarter
Time
Funny
Owned
Give
Bottle
Home
Quarters
Wells
Bottles
Well
Twelve
Play
Kiss
Giving
Kissing
Spin

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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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