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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Mirrors
Keeps
Humble
Humility
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
Phyllis Diller
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
Phyllis Diller
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
Phyllis Diller
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
Phyllis Diller
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Phyllis Diller
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
Phyllis Diller
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
Phyllis Diller
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller