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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Good
Brisk
Fitness
Exercise
Health
Idea
Ideas

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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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