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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Good
Brisk
Fitness
Exercise
Health
Idea
Ideas

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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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