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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Exercise
Health
Idea
Ideas
Good
Brisk
Fitness

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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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